A visit to Angry Rant Farm
I'm in a vindictive and malicious mood. So pardon the bite, Jace, but Im going to take a page from your book (err, blog).
People in need of a violent beating:
Well, lets start off with an easy one, The Church of Scientology. What kind of respect do you think you deserve when your building looks like a dirty backwater Vegas casino? The giant LED billboard doesn't help your credibility much either. Listen, stop acting like a bunch of delusional crackpots and maybe people will take your half-baked religion seriously. Of course this is contingent on Tom Cruise dying in a horribly fiery plan crash, but hey, his Thetan will just be reborn, right? Hopefully in something less annoying, like a bowling alley attendant.
The legal department at the RIAA and the MPAA. Yes, piracy is bad, we get it. We got it seven years ago when Napster got shut down, we got it three years ago when you started going bat-s*** crazy with your lawyers. But so is suing every man, woman and child. Here's a tip, making a signifcant portion of your per annum profits in LAWSUITS, is a despicable business model. Customers are not criminals, you insane jackals.
The people who charge $2k for logo design, spend months working on it, only to present something that looks like microsoft word found in the toilet after binge drinking Mr. Clean. A vomitous mass of traingles and circles accompanied by times new roman is not a logo, it is a design ABORTION. Y'know what? You hacks don't deserve a beating, you should shot. Through the teeth.
Eczema. Get off my finger now or start paying rent, you psoriasis wannabe.
Telus. Alright, you conservative redtape fetishists, fess up. Your highspeed network works like it was built out of dog hair and horse crap. My connection is out more often than Courtney Love is drunk off her feet. And when it is up AND working properly, my 'high-speeds' that are supposedly 100x faster than dial-up barely touch over 30kb/s. And thats exactly what I think of your customer service, BS. If the signal is so weak that it
can't make it from an outlet, through a 20 foot cable, to my PC reliably, don't get your call centre drones to condescend to me about electromagnetics and currents and a textbook full of material those highschool dropouts only hear about on CSI. Please send me an executive, I want to spit in his eye. IN HIS EYE!
Parents who name their kids stupid, stupid names. I don't mean bizarre spellings like Amie or Kortney (which is a sin unto itself), I'm refering to parents who think carving up perfectly normal names and stitching together abhorrent franken-names. Refuse like Dreydon. Seriosuly, what is that? It sounds like something Hercules fought while knee-deep in minotaur turd. And actors, really, your kids will have enough garbage to put up with living in your shadow, do they really need names like Apple or Prince Michael?! You need a curbstomp, in a hurry.
The selfproclaimed 'EMO' crowd. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. You aren't introspective, you aren't mysterious, you aren't misunderstood. You are nothing more than whining, contrived and hypocritical consumerists. The artifical way your 'culture' dresses your emotional imbalance under the guise of 'suicide and teenage angst' belies a very real issue. Writing pathetic musical slop about how no one understands you is such a fallacy. People understand you very well, especially marketing executives. That's why you are a key sales demographic, that's why companies make huge profits off you. You aren't punk. You are a derivative mass, eager to suck at any corporate teet that disguises itself as underground. So hang up your etnies, whipe off that mascara, boys, and wake up. YOU ARE TOOLS.
And while we're on the subject, lets address the term emo itself. Six years ago it meant something different. It meant a kind of music. Now it gets tossed around as much as Bush tosses around terrorism. Emo is music. The pouty girls in fishnet and black, and sullen guys in mascara are morons. Let's get it straight. (Marshall, you are granted clemency from this, because you are a rocker. Rockers can wear make-up, but just barely)
PETA. Why am I a monster because I drink milk? You self-appreciative sacks are about as credible as a kidney transplant in Queens. Milk does not make me fat. Being a lazy man makes me fat. You know what, in for a penny in for a pound; Vegans and Greenpeace, you are ridiculous too. Cheese is not evil, oil is not evil. If you want to live on an island and experience a hedonistic granola life-style, be my guest, in fact, I'll help you find one. Vandalism, theft and public mischief don't further your platform of environmental stability, it furthers that platform that you are a troop of poorly educated miscreants.
Okay, thats enough hate to fill one post for the day.
People in need of a violent beating:
Well, lets start off with an easy one, The Church of Scientology. What kind of respect do you think you deserve when your building looks like a dirty backwater Vegas casino? The giant LED billboard doesn't help your credibility much either. Listen, stop acting like a bunch of delusional crackpots and maybe people will take your half-baked religion seriously. Of course this is contingent on Tom Cruise dying in a horribly fiery plan crash, but hey, his Thetan will just be reborn, right? Hopefully in something less annoying, like a bowling alley attendant.
The legal department at the RIAA and the MPAA. Yes, piracy is bad, we get it. We got it seven years ago when Napster got shut down, we got it three years ago when you started going bat-s*** crazy with your lawyers. But so is suing every man, woman and child. Here's a tip, making a signifcant portion of your per annum profits in LAWSUITS, is a despicable business model. Customers are not criminals, you insane jackals.
The people who charge $2k for logo design, spend months working on it, only to present something that looks like microsoft word found in the toilet after binge drinking Mr. Clean. A vomitous mass of traingles and circles accompanied by times new roman is not a logo, it is a design ABORTION. Y'know what? You hacks don't deserve a beating, you should shot. Through the teeth.
Eczema. Get off my finger now or start paying rent, you psoriasis wannabe.
Telus. Alright, you conservative redtape fetishists, fess up. Your highspeed network works like it was built out of dog hair and horse crap. My connection is out more often than Courtney Love is drunk off her feet. And when it is up AND working properly, my 'high-speeds' that are supposedly 100x faster than dial-up barely touch over 30kb/s. And thats exactly what I think of your customer service, BS. If the signal is so weak that it
can't make it from an outlet, through a 20 foot cable, to my PC reliably, don't get your call centre drones to condescend to me about electromagnetics and currents and a textbook full of material those highschool dropouts only hear about on CSI. Please send me an executive, I want to spit in his eye. IN HIS EYE!
Parents who name their kids stupid, stupid names. I don't mean bizarre spellings like Amie or Kortney (which is a sin unto itself), I'm refering to parents who think carving up perfectly normal names and stitching together abhorrent franken-names. Refuse like Dreydon. Seriosuly, what is that? It sounds like something Hercules fought while knee-deep in minotaur turd. And actors, really, your kids will have enough garbage to put up with living in your shadow, do they really need names like Apple or Prince Michael?! You need a curbstomp, in a hurry.
The selfproclaimed 'EMO' crowd. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. You aren't introspective, you aren't mysterious, you aren't misunderstood. You are nothing more than whining, contrived and hypocritical consumerists. The artifical way your 'culture' dresses your emotional imbalance under the guise of 'suicide and teenage angst' belies a very real issue. Writing pathetic musical slop about how no one understands you is such a fallacy. People understand you very well, especially marketing executives. That's why you are a key sales demographic, that's why companies make huge profits off you. You aren't punk. You are a derivative mass, eager to suck at any corporate teet that disguises itself as underground. So hang up your etnies, whipe off that mascara, boys, and wake up. YOU ARE TOOLS.
And while we're on the subject, lets address the term emo itself. Six years ago it meant something different. It meant a kind of music. Now it gets tossed around as much as Bush tosses around terrorism. Emo is music. The pouty girls in fishnet and black, and sullen guys in mascara are morons. Let's get it straight. (Marshall, you are granted clemency from this, because you are a rocker. Rockers can wear make-up, but just barely)
PETA. Why am I a monster because I drink milk? You self-appreciative sacks are about as credible as a kidney transplant in Queens. Milk does not make me fat. Being a lazy man makes me fat. You know what, in for a penny in for a pound; Vegans and Greenpeace, you are ridiculous too. Cheese is not evil, oil is not evil. If you want to live on an island and experience a hedonistic granola life-style, be my guest, in fact, I'll help you find one. Vandalism, theft and public mischief don't further your platform of environmental stability, it furthers that platform that you are a troop of poorly educated miscreants.
Okay, thats enough hate to fill one post for the day.
posted by Bray at 2:07 PM
3 Comments:
HOORAY! Preach on preacher man!!! That is what blogs are all about, letting people know how dumb they all are. In all honesty this may be the best blog I've ever read. Here's a quote you can put on the jacket cover. Jace says "Two Thumbs way up. Finally, an asian as upset as he is efficient." I'll probably comment again once I've soaked it all in.
I got another quote for you to put on the book jacket.
Jace says "Not since WWII have the German and the Japanese come together for such an organized attack on the west."
Oh dear, I guess no one told you I used to think it would be funny if vegetables screamed when you ate them. Ahem...
I'm really not that sick, most days.
Post a Comment
<< Home