Tents, Fireworks and scary bathrooms
This weekend was the annual "drive -90-minutes-into-the-mountains-spend-a-day-watching-pass-folks-get-blitzed-watch-fireworks-and-spend-2-hours-in-traffic-fest" Also known by the admittedly less descriptive "Thunder in the Valley". There is a podunk lil town called Blairmore that has one of the biggest displays of fireworks each summer to commemorate . . . well, booze, I think, rum to be specific. HURRAY!
This year it involved driving up in a rented JEEP with some classy gals. Style! But the day would not be complete without a visit to the mountains neighborhood cesspool gas station.
Nevermind the fact we had to fight through two seperate bike gangs and a throng of fe-mullets to park, the station was infested in a more colorful assortment of the typical spring-break frat riff-raff. I made the unfortunate mistake of having a bladder and needed to relieve myself at this waypoint.
Oh no! No no no no no, I should know better. Rule number one of road trips is NOT TO PEE IN PLACES THAT SELL HOT DOGS, ICE CREAM AND TACKLE. As I had my wee, I was treated to the cheerful image of an alien prophylactic with cute prophylactic attenae emerging from
what must be some sort of interstellar spaceship designed for lightspeed birthcontrol. Zipping up, I moved to the sink with every intent to wash my hands. However, HOWEVER! There was not a soap dispenser in sight, nay nay, there was instead a styrofoam bowl filled with neon pink liquid soap. This was not a welcome sight in and of itself, but to further compound the problem, the bowl and soap were themselves quite dirty, having dark chunks of unflatering material floating about.
I'm sure you'll agree, the dilemma here was very concerning. But, using the combined power of my intellect and my intense fear of hepatitis I decided the best course of action would to be run like a little sissy out of there. I bought an ice-cream though. That managed to assuage my excited emotions.
The remainder of the day was unremarkably entertaining. Hamburgers, dogs, friends, that sort of thing. It was, however, punctuated by the realization that I have no idea how to put up a tent. I am, of course, familiar with the concept: Poles must be inserted and the tent raised, and eventually people may go inside of it. But that is about where I exit the realm of knowing. I can commiserate with my comrades in that none of us really knew how in the end.
It took a team of approximately 8 people working to get the beast of a nylon sleeping quarters put up. I won't even mention the time it required.
After the tent episode, we ambled into town and took our places among the great unwashed masses to watch the expensive display of things blowing up. The display lasted about half an hour, and I'm pretty sure it successufully punched a hole in that pesky ozone layer. So here is a heads-up, if you want that bronzed godlike glow to you, head to Blairmore AB, " We destroy the ozone, so you don't have to!"
Additionally I got asked to do some more engagement photos Sunday night for a good friend. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm getting better at this thing.
This year it involved driving up in a rented JEEP with some classy gals. Style! But the day would not be complete without a visit to the mountains neighborhood cesspool gas station.
Nevermind the fact we had to fight through two seperate bike gangs and a throng of fe-mullets to park, the station was infested in a more colorful assortment of the typical spring-break frat riff-raff. I made the unfortunate mistake of having a bladder and needed to relieve myself at this waypoint.
Oh no! No no no no no, I should know better. Rule number one of road trips is NOT TO PEE IN PLACES THAT SELL HOT DOGS, ICE CREAM AND TACKLE. As I had my wee, I was treated to the cheerful image of an alien prophylactic with cute prophylactic attenae emerging from
what must be some sort of interstellar spaceship designed for lightspeed birthcontrol. Zipping up, I moved to the sink with every intent to wash my hands. However, HOWEVER! There was not a soap dispenser in sight, nay nay, there was instead a styrofoam bowl filled with neon pink liquid soap. This was not a welcome sight in and of itself, but to further compound the problem, the bowl and soap were themselves quite dirty, having dark chunks of unflatering material floating about.
I'm sure you'll agree, the dilemma here was very concerning. But, using the combined power of my intellect and my intense fear of hepatitis I decided the best course of action would to be run like a little sissy out of there. I bought an ice-cream though. That managed to assuage my excited emotions.
The remainder of the day was unremarkably entertaining. Hamburgers, dogs, friends, that sort of thing. It was, however, punctuated by the realization that I have no idea how to put up a tent. I am, of course, familiar with the concept: Poles must be inserted and the tent raised, and eventually people may go inside of it. But that is about where I exit the realm of knowing. I can commiserate with my comrades in that none of us really knew how in the end.
It took a team of approximately 8 people working to get the beast of a nylon sleeping quarters put up. I won't even mention the time it required.
After the tent episode, we ambled into town and took our places among the great unwashed masses to watch the expensive display of things blowing up. The display lasted about half an hour, and I'm pretty sure it successufully punched a hole in that pesky ozone layer. So here is a heads-up, if you want that bronzed godlike glow to you, head to Blairmore AB, " We destroy the ozone, so you don't have to!"
Additionally I got asked to do some more engagement photos Sunday night for a good friend. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm getting better at this thing.
posted by Bray at 11:07 AM
4 Comments:
Not to mention you slept with a shoe for a pillow... never seen that one before!
Oh my good heavens! I think that we need to both go and get tested for Malaria, Hepatitis, Scurvy and Polio from using that bathroom...what were we thinking!
We stopped at another sketchy bathroom on the way home. We had no luck. Even if we had used the bathroom at the "cabin" there was apparently a giant peep hole in it.
Thanks for all the help with the tent...the rest of us are useless. We sure missed you when we were taking it down..maybe you need to give Trevor lessons in the Art of Tent Folding. It was a disgrace.
Thanks for coming...sorry for the yelling.
There was yelling? Denise I don't think you could yell if your life depended on it, you are just too nice. Well, maybe if little brothers were involved.
Wow Braden, seriously, those pictures are beautiful. I want you to promise you'll take my next set of engagement photos. I mean... what?
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